Hump day my ass!

So far I have had the crappiest Wednesday in the history of Wednesdays. And it's not even 11 in the morning!

Let's see, where do I begin? I got up and the hot water pipes were frozen again. Yes, I said the HOT water pipes, and yes I said AGAIN. Why in the hell can't I live in a house where the COLD pipes freeze? Isn't that how it normally works? Anyway, I'm crouched on my hands and knees wrapping heat tape around the pipes, while my husband sleep peacefully in our bedroom. My daughter stayed home from school today cuz she's not feeling well. Hum...missed a full week of school due to weather, and NOW she gets sick? Dammit...

So the pipes are fronzen, my husband and kid are sleeping, and I'm trying to thaw pipes while a cat is playing with the heat tape and another cat is chasing this cats tail...leaping up on my shoulders...claws extended.

Of course, the cat scratched me, and I'm sure it drew blood, but I can't clean out the wound...I have no freakin' hot water!

DAMMIT!

I finished wrapping the pipes just in time to catch the dog peeing on my kitchen rug. She looks at me guiltily and says "well, if you would let me out when I asked, this wouldn't have happened. Yes, I said "she said". My dog talks to me. If your dog doesn't talk to you, well, whatever. My dog talks.

I shoo the dog out the door. (yes, I did reply to what she said, but that's not important right now).

I put on water for coffee, and notice that one of my cow mugs is on the floor. As I pick it up, I realize that handle is broken off. I turned and look at the cats that are sitting at my feet.

"Which of you did this? Who broke a cow mug?"

They just stared at me. The cats don't talk, which is probably a good thing, because they, like the dog, have no respect for me. However, they fear the cold and becoming Dinner Speciality #7 at Don's Wok-A-Rama, so they keep their mouths shut.

So, let's recap: frozen pipes, lazy husband, sick kid, doggie mess, broken mug, conspiratory cats.

Oh, and did I mention I have to go work my crappy job, with a new crappy schedule, and an extra crappy day? But THAT is blog entry all by itself, more on that later.

I did get some good news. I might have scored a SERIOUS writing gig. If that is the case, then I can leave the aforementioned crappy job by June.

Oh..wait...YES! The hot water is flowing again.

Now, if I could only get the dog to shut up, the cats to pack up for a warmer climate, the day might be salvagable.
- posted by Kim @ 11:07 AM

 
I think I am going to quit my job. Working is so overrated, and who needs clothes and heat and food anyway?

Yes I'm going to do it. I am going to quit my job. I'm going to stay home, sit on the couch and watch my bottom spread with every bonbon I stuff in my mouth. I am going to become a Soap Opera Aficionado; the goto person who can tell you who Erica Kane is cheating on this week, and who is pregnant and doesn't know who the father is.

Yep, I'm cashing in on the 9-5 rat race. I'm turning in my commuter's pass. Shoving my business attire into the back of the closet. Gonna kick the 401k bucket. I didn't need a retirement nestegg. That's what social security is for.

Just think of all the free time I will have! I can repaint the spots on my cow collection. I can rearrange my pots and pans by size and color. I can make lava lamps with empty cranberry juice bottles, vegetable oil, and food coloring. The list of things I could do is endless.

No, wait, I've got it! I'm going to stay home and write in my blog. My blog doesn't care if I end every conversation with "Thank you for using blogger.com". My blogger doesn't have a thrombo if I'm 2.12 seconds late logging in after my break. And it certainly understands if I can't make the commute to the computer to blog because there was 32 inches of snow on the path from the bedroom to the living room where my computer is.

Yep, my blog respects me more than my job ever will.

That's the answer. I am going to quit my day job and work full time on my blog. I'm going to become a professional blogger. I'll make business cards and pass them out to all my friends. I'll even create a website dedicated to the art of blogging. I'll do chats and radio shows and magazine interviews. Yep,just you wait and see, I will be the blogger par extraordinaire.

I wonder if my blog has a generous healthcare package...
- posted by Kim @ 12:55 AM

 
So, I ventured out into the Winter Wonderland, and I have to admit it was a beautiful site, from both a standing and seated position.

Yes, I said seated. I saw the world from numerous horizontal positions, courtesy of the aforementioned 60lb. gorilla named Ketulah.

I opened the door to let out a cat, and Ketulah flew past me. She took a running leap and dove into a snow bank. She emerged a few seconds later and did it again. It was obvious that to her this was great fun.

Meanwhile, my daughter had donned her snow gear and was heading out to join the dog. The dog ran up to her, and as if saying "watch this!" and dove into another snow bank.

My daughter also saw this as great fun and proceeded to also dive into a snow bank.

"Mom, get out here, this is a blast!" she yelled to me as she dove a second time.

"Uh, no thanks." Snow, like sand, tendsto end up in the most unwanted places. At least sand is warm...most of the time anyway.

"Oh, come on Mom, at least come out and look around," Taylor was pleading with me at this point.

Well, I WAS curious as to how things looked past my driveway. So I put on my extra sweater and pair of pants, relaced my shoes, put on my coat and ventured outside.

And it was a fantasic site. Surreal really. We live on a one lane road, and the snow plow had come through which created 5 foot walls of snow on each side of the road. It was like walking though a reverse tunnel.

As I was admiring the scene and pondering how I was ever going to dig my car out from underneath all the snow, she hit me. Ketulah broadsided me, I lost my footing, and I fell sideways into a snowbank. It wasn't as cold as I thought it would be. I sat there for a few seconds, then got up.

Seconds later, the damn dog did it again, this time from behind, so I went face first into the snowbank. That was a bit colder, but still not as bad as I remembered as a kid. Again, I got up. As I was brushing myself off, I saw her coming at me.

Remember when Dino attacked Fred Flintstone? He would take a running leap, land on Fred, and then lick him mercilessly? Well, that was the scene with Ketulah, only I was wearing shoes.

That was enough for me. Once I extricated myself from underneath the psycho hound, I retreated to the house, where I slipped out of my now soaked clothing, and into a hot cup of coffee.

And that is where I am staying!
- posted by Kim @ 7:30 PM

 
Things always seem different under the cover of darkness. Just before I went to bed this morning I looked out the window and beheld a beautiful sight. Snow everywhere, draped on trees, daintily piled on top of mailboxes and fence posts. There was total silence - peaceful and serene. Truly beautiful..

Enter daylight and the reality it brings. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is buried. Not dusted, not covered, but BURIED in 32 freakin' inches of snow! I can no longer wax poetic. This is not funny anymore. Okay, so it never really was funny, but I had been trying to keep my sense of humor about the whole thing. Not anymore.

How in the hell am I going to get out of my house? My kitchen door won't open. My living room door will open if both me and the 60lb gorilla that is posing as a dog shove against it. Fortunately (ha!) there is a 20-foot snow drift against the back of my house, so if I grabbed a serving tray I could slide my way to the ground.

If I were a kid, this would all be cool and exciting and I would have been outside hours ago shouting praises to the heavens for large snowfalls and school cancellations. My friends and I would have built two snow forts, complete with snowmen sentinels. We would have had the mother of all snowball fights, inbetween taking turns on a gigantic intertube. It would have been a childhood paradise.

Now all I can think about is the fact that we are trapped in a house with less than a week's worth of food (I was supposed to go shopping yesterday), and my boss is jacked that I'm not there. Oh, and let's not forget that sometime today I have to dig my way out of here, or at least try to.

How quickly the peacefulness of night turns to the ugly reality of day.
- posted by Kim @ 12:58 PM

 
It's 4 am (or close to it, I'm never sure of the time because my computer is lazy and refuses to keep up with such mundane things) and I am sitting here, typing away on my blog. Ya know, if I spent half as much time working on my real writing, I would be a best-selling author by now. I could be sitting on a sandy beach, sipping a cold drink with an umbrella in it, while tall, muscle-bound, scantily-clad cabana boys fanned me with gigantic palm leaves and fed me peeled grapes.

Alas, I am sitting in my living room, staring at this blog screen, desperately trying to ignore the ever increasing inches of snow that are accumulating outside. Last we checked, (useing the scientific method of letting the dog outside to potty and noting how far she sank before she half doggied paddled half leapt back into the house) there were 22 inches and the snow is still falling like rain.

God, I HATE winter! I see skiers, and I shudder. Snow boarders are insane. Sled riding is just an excuse to get snow down your pants, and snowmen are evil. Seriously. Look at their smiles. They are always crooked, and how can you trust anyone, frozen or otherwise that has that long a nose? Doesn't anyone remember Pinnocchio?

Anyway, we have almost 2 feet of snow on the ground, and there is no end in sight. Well, the end is in sight, it's just 12 hours away. My car is a distant memory. I think it's red and has tires, but it's been so long since I have seen them, I'm working from memory. The thought of digging out from all this makes my head hurt.

But I can worry about that tomorrow. For now, I will just be grateful that I am in a warm place, doing something I love to do. This blogging thing is a pretty neat. I'm sure that as time passes, I will have all kinds of things posted here, good, bad, and ugly. But for now, I will be content to ramble a bit.

And for the record, I have been eating grapes this whole time!
- posted by Kim @ 4:25 AM

 
Told you I would be back!

I noticed on my AOL Welcome screen that the Orange Alert will most likely be downgraded. Such a pity - all that work people did wrapping their homes in plasitc was for nothing!

I'm not making light of the situation, I just have a hard time wrapping my brain around this whole fear factor. Why is our government going to such extremes to keep us in a constant state of paranoia? Sure, they gave is a more fancy phrase, "being ever vigiliant" is how they refer to it. They want us to be scared little children looking up to their elders for security and guidance.

I don't buy it. It's a plot. It's a vehicle with which they will attempt to ram their "big brother" tactics down our collective throats. They want us to be fearful, so we will not notice what they are really doing. Believe me, we have things to fear, but I am not referring to bin Laden or Saddam.

You wanna know what I am afraid of? Do you want to know what keeps me awake at night?

I'm afraid that out economy is going to sink further into the toilet and I am going to be out of a job.

I am afriad of the steel worker who, after losing his job because no one wants to bail out the steel industry, gets drunk, gets behind the wheel of the $30,000 SUV for which he can no longer afford the payments, and slams head on into me or someone I love.

I am afriad that one day our government, in an attempt to keep us "safe" is going to take away our freedoms. Think I'm exaggerating? Go to an airport wearing an underwire bra and with a carryon and see how quickly you are pulled aside. Or, better yet, go and pay your water bill and get questioned for fifteen minutes about why there was a nail file in your purse.

I am afraid of the ignorant morons who terrorize humans because they are different, and child predators that live down the street.

I fear acid rain, getting caught in a convenience store holdup and carjacking. I fear becoming homeless, CPS coming and taking my child because my floor wasn't mopped yesterday, and my dog getting into the antifreeze. Those are some of the things I fear. I do not need to worry about a madman thousands of miles away. There are plenty of things to fear in my own backyard.

So, you guys go ahead and worry about the Orange Alert and bin Laden and Saddam all you want. Stay up late at night and sweat over anthrax and bio chemicals. Me, I am going to try and block out the REAL threat to our life here in America as we know it: OURSELVES.

- posted by Kim @ 12:01 AM

 
Okay, so I caved to the Momwriter collective will and created a blog. What, praytell am I going to say in this thing? I mean, I am the QUEEN of rambling, hell I have made a career of it. But there is something slightly peculiar about this whole blogging thing. I feel like it's something I should do naked with the lights out.

Well, I guess I will start with an introduction. My name is Kim and I am a writer. No, not a wannabe writer, but I writer. I have been writing professionally for over five years, but it's only been in the last 2 years that I have takene it seriously. That sounds funny I know, but the first three writing years were spend writing business plans and doing marketing research. Pay was great, but talk about MINDNUMBING!!!!

Finally after arguing with a wannabe pornosite king about how to best advertise for clients..customer...sick bastards that need a different hobby, I left the business writing field and focused on writing the Great American Novel. Well, I am still working on that...but I discovered my niche, my passion, my voice, if you will - Essay writing. I love writing essays! I can say what I want about whatever I want and people read it. I have had some moderate success finding markets for my work, and I am sure I will have even more success in the future.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, I discovered that I really like editing. Both kinds of editing, both book editing and management for ezines and publications. As if I don't have enough to do, I am about to launch an ezine for everything about nothing. It's called Writer's Stew, and I am so stoked about it! It should be a fun ride.

Gee, for someone who was wondering how she was going to fill a blog, I don't seem to be having much trouble. :-)

Let's see, where was I? Oh, I have a family and a dog, and three crazy cats. I like to do crafts, and I have a job that I don't hate, but I can't say I dance my way to work everyday either. One day, I will walk into that call center, and tell them where to put their designer headsets and their customer service attitude! Hopefully, one day soon..but until then, I suck it up and act like the team player that I am.

Well, that's all I really feel like saying for now. I will probably come back and post more later. I think this will be the home for the thoughts that I have that I should not share with the general public. Yeah, I know, this is a public blog, but hey, it's mine, ya know?

Later!
- posted by Kim @ 9:56 PM