Spam

This afternoon I logged onto the Internet to check my email. I was expecting a few important emails, so when I opened my Inbox and saw I had 10 mew messages I assumed that my questions were being answered.

You know what they say about assuming anything.

Greeting me in my inbox was an email that insisted that I could "Fire My Boss", another that told me that I had been sent an Insta-Kiss by a secret admirer, a thrid that insisted that I was pre-approved for a VISA Platinum card with the low, LOW interest rate of 19.6%, and my favorite, "come see what my friends and I did last weekend! XXX"

Did I win the Spam lottery last night and someone forgot to email me?

Unsolicited email, spam, junk mail...whatever you want to call it, it is annoying. I used to jot off nasty reply emails to the senders of the unwanted mail, but that simply made me a bigger target. Now, I simply delete the mail and go on with my life. If sending me an email about the latest lottery or attempting to convince me that they have the lowest insurance rates EVER makes them feel like they have accomplished something, who am I to deny them that pleasure?

I would wager a guess that most people treat unsolicited email as I do, delete it and forget it. However I have a friend that became so incensed when they received an email they did not request that they sent copies to their ISP, the Attorney General, and the head of the Pentagon. And against my advice they replied to the emailer with a nasty email of their own, basically spamming the spammer and everyone on their list. The next morning what was one annoying email had exploded into over 200 junk emails.

I assume my "I told you so" email got lost in her inbox..probably between the Psychic Friends Newsletter and Bambi's Totally Nude Beach Pics.

I understand that many people feel violated and intruded upon by spam. However, I don't think it is worth getting worked into a frenzy over. I don't like getting junk email, I really dislike the slightly disappointed feeling I get when I realize my inbox is full of junk ads, but I don't lose sleep over it. But just in case some of you spammers are reading this (which I doubt, but hey, it's worth a shot), I have a few words for you:

I don't use Viagra. I don't need Viagra. I don't care how much it has improved your lovelife. If it's that great, when do you find the time to send me your stupid emails?

Yeah, I would love to fire my boss. But I would be firing myself, and how would that look? "I'm sorry me, but I have to let me go." Oh yeah, get the white coats ready, 'cause I guarantee the day I have that conversation with myself, someone will overhear it and turn me in.

Targeting Emails don't always work. If they did, my email address would not only be unlisted, it would have "spam me and die" in big red letters where the address should be.

You mean I can lose 20 pounds in 20 days...Guaranteed? The only way that would be possible is if I sent my puppy to live with someone else...want her?

We need to face reality. Spam is to the Internet and the World Wide Web what the mighty cock roach is to the Earth. First, both only come out when either we aren't looking or the lights are off . Secondly, both were here long before us, and they will still be here long after we are gone.

If only they made a large cyber can of Raid...

Excerpt from Moments of Clarity - Get you copy today!


- posted by Kim @ 4:31 PM