Frustration Springs Eternal...but at least the flowers are fragrant...
All I wanted to do was set up the reminders for Marathon Writers so that Gail and I didn't have to remember to send them out every Monday and Friday afternoons. I mean, isn't that the point of the Yahoo reminders for Groups?

Anyway, in order for me to test the reminders, I wanted to set the members to no mail. No sense in spamming the members while I tested the reminder feature. Right? RIGHT?!?

Apparently not. When I set everyone to NO MAIL. Yahoo saw fit to remove the members. A group of 30 something went to 2!

UGH!

Lucky for me, I went into management and pulled up all the members of the group. I have spent the last hour or so reinviting the members to join the group. Sometimes it just doesn't pay to log on...also, while I am typing this, I am waiting to see if the reminder is going to work...wait...AOL says "I have mail..."

Well, whaddaya know...it worked! Now I just need to change the dates...be right back...

Okay..reminders are set up and members are trickling back to the group. *whew*

I really want to thank everyone who took the time to post comments, email me and IM me about my decision to walk away from writing. You all pretty much said the same thing, that I was too talented (blush) and stubborn to quit now, but that if I wanted to walk away for a bit you understood. Some of you said that I was incapable of walking away forever.

You are all right. I am too stubborn to walk away forever. And I do feel I have a God-given talent, and for me not to use it would be to waste something God saw fit to bestow upon me. So, I won't walk away from it completely. But for now, I am going to take a break from writing..articles at least. And when I do get back into the article-writing groove, I am going to shoot for the "big guns"...Business 2.0, Entrepreneur Magazine, Female Entrepreneur..and a couple of others. That's who I want to write for...these are the bylines I truly want, so I should be aiming for them. Right? Right.

Other than that, I am going to focus on fiction. As Gail so wonderfully pointed out, I didn't write 50k of "Three Wishes" for it to sit in a desk drawer. So, I am going to complete the edits and rewrites, and shoot for the "big gun" agents and publihsers.

I guess I am drawing my line in the sand. It's time to put up or shut up...put my money where my mouth is..practice what I preach...

It's also time for me to kill the cliches. LOL

Well, there is a pot roast in the kitchen waiting for me to give it some personal attention, and a few potatoes that are begging to get nekkid and into some cold water. Take care everyone, and yeah, I'll be posting here once in a while..so check back. :-)

Thanks to all of you for you kind words and advice. You will never know what it meant to me.


- posted by Kim @ 3:29 PM

 
I think I know why I haven't been blogging much...
but I don't think you're going to like the answer. But this is my blog, and these are my feelings, and I am not about to start lying to all of you now. So, here goes.

I don't want to write. Anything. Period. Even as I sit here typing this entry, I am thinking "why are you bothering? There are a million other things you could be doing. It's not like people really care whether you post to this thing or not!"

No, I'm not pandering for attention or more comments. That's how I really feel. I don't want to read my own words, so I can't fathom that anyone else would want to read them either. I don't feel like a writer any more. I feel like a person who writes...and yes, there is a HUGE difference.

I'm tired of writing queries. I'm tired of writing to editors and agents asking them to "please read my book". I'm tired of tracking down interview subjects for topics I could care less about. I'm tired of waiting til July to get paid for an article that I submitted in January. I'm tired of clients stiffing me, winning bids then having the jobs fall through, and stupid people with stupid business ideas who get hundreds of thousands of dollars because I wrote their business plan.

I'm tired of people who have opportunities dropped at their feet, but won't cash in. I'm tired of reading articles and books written by people whom I could write rings around, but because they knew someone who knew someone, they are published and I am still struggling. I'm tired of having a publisher who, for whatever reason, has decided to let my book sit and do nothing with it. I'm tired of "industry insiders" deciding that Jane Doe on Main street doesn't want to read chick lit, she wants to read Historical Romance..so chick lit will no longer be published. I'm tired of the "writing for free" debate...I'm tired of having to watch out for all the swindlers who are clamoring to take a writer's hard earned money and fragile dreams and profit from them. I'm tired of commas, not ending sentences with a preposition, and trying not to "head hop". I'm tired of writing dialogue and describing what color my protagonist's blouse is. It's not pink, it's champagne. Her shoes aren't tan, they're sand or taupe!

UGH!

Writing is just a job to me now. And it is becoming a lousy job at that. I always said that as soon as it started to feel like work, then it might be time to walk away. I've been writing professionally for almost fifteen years now. Maybe it is time for me to pursue other areas. "What areas?" you ask? I don't know. Maybe I'll pursue my music more now. Maybe I'll focus on my loom jewelry. Or maybe I'll get a simple 9-5 job and live a normal life, with normal pay and normal hours. Normal sounds good right about now.

So, you see why I no longer feel the need to post in this blog. No, the irony that this is one of the longest posts I've written in ages is not lost on me.

I won't say this is farewell...but it is so long for now...





- posted by Kim @ 12:13 AM

 
Just got back from...
band practice...and boy are my vocal cords sore. I haven't sang that much in ten years.

Hum..did I mention that I was joining a band? Okay, I didn't actually join... Lou volunteered me for his band. None of his bandmates knew I could sing. Honestly, I wasn't sure *I* could sing. Now anyway. When I was in my teens/early-twenties, I sang in several bands..from heavy metal to blues. I was really into it at the time..

But then I got hooked up with my ex, had a kid, kicked the ex to the curb and married Lou...and my life went off in a different direction. But there was always a part of me that missed performing in front of an audience...

So, when Lou approached me about singing in his band, I was interested, kinda. There was also that part of me that was thinking, "are you nuts? you are too old to be doing gigs til 2am. You have a kid. You have a job, a writing career...where would you fit in a band?"

Anyway, I told him that I would show up and sing a few songs and see what happened. So I went and sang. And sang. And sang some more. His bandmates were sufficiently impressed. The guitarist, who is a great person and awesome guitarist, but a space case...actually stopped playing his guitar to listen to me sing. Then I saw him motion to the drummer to stop playing and listen. Next thing I know, it's me and no one else. So, I kept singing. I overheard Steve (the guitarist) say to Lou, "Man, she can sing! Why hasn't she been doing it before?" and Lou answered, "Are you kidding? I had to practically bribe her to come today!" The drummer's wife is also a singer, so we had a blast performing together. I have to admit, it was a fun way to spend 7 hours. Yeah, that's right...7 HOURS. Now you know why my throat is so sore. :-)

So, now Saturdays are pretty much devoted to the band. When I'm not at practice singing, then I am at home, either signing or learning songs on the keyboard. Yeah, I get the "honor" of playing keyboards in the band too. Lucky me. LOL

Anyway, my throat is very dry and very sore...so you should be grateful that this blog is a typing thing, cuz if I had to talk, then this would entry would not appear for a couple of days. And yet, I am filled with the urge to launch WinAmp and sing some more. What can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment. :-)

Enjoy the rest of the weekend everyone. I'm going to partake in some hot tea with honey. Ahh...soothing...

- posted by Kim @ 12:25 AM

 
I figured I should check in...
since it's been awhile since I last blogged. There's really not much to tell...I'm still getting a feel for the new equipment, still playing catchup with all the work I had to put off during my computer problems...still kinda working the day job...

See, nothing new to report. :-)

The edits for the book are going pretty well, although I am fighting the urge to type the edits I've made on the hard copies. I promised myself I would wait til I have a batch of four chapters before I typed in the edits...but I am about to break that promise, cuz I want to know how my word count is going to be effected. If these edits are going to make me short of 50k, then I really want to know. Of course, it could be longer..but I won't know til I put in the edits.

UGH...I *really* need to quit making things difficult. If I spent half as much time editing as I do debating about it, I'd be past that four chapter mark I set for myself.

That being said, I'm going back to work. :-)
- posted by Kim @ 11:59 PM

 
This has been...
one of the coolest birthdays/Valentine Days I have ever had.

I am sitting here, typing in my blog on a really really cool computer and watching a movie on the computer's DVD player.

Well, it's not a movie, really. It's Episode 6 of Season 4 of Babylon 5..my all-time favorite tv show.

Lou got me the box set for my birthday. He completely surprised me. We were sitting in one of my favorite restaurants, and I'm screaming like a little kid I'm so excited. People around us were staring, so my husband looks at them and says casually, "It's her birthday...I think she likes her gift."

Something else interesting happened at dinner. After dinner, we got our fortune cookies. I opened mine, and this was the fortune:

"Bide your time, for success is near."

Wow. I normally don't buy into fortunes of any sort, but this one, especially since it came to me on my birthday caught my attention. I've had a good feeling about this year from January 1st. Now I feel like I just got the definitive sign that I am going in the right direction. Only this year was I able to buy the equipment that I have needed for five years. Only this year did I have contacts and connections that can help me achieve what I want to do. This is my year..I can feel it.

It was a good day. A very good day! :-)

So now, If you will excuse me, I'm going back to my CD. It looks prety good on a minimized screen, but it looks even BETTER full size.
- posted by Kim @ 11:45 PM

 
Today....
I am feeling bittersweet.

Tomorrow is my 35th birthday. It's also Valentine's Day. We have some nice plans for tomorrow and I look forward to them.

I just need to get through today first.

Today is the fifth anniversary of my good friend and my husband's best friend's death. Tray was a computer nerd like Lou, only he had better interpersonal skills (ie..he could charm the pants off anyone..he talked me into marrying Lou! LOL), so he managed to take a computer repair business from his kitchen table..well..to his living room...but it was a flourishing business. I really thought he was going to go far...good business, nice girlfriend, he took care of his parents...he was just a really good guy.

But his past came back and killed him.

Tray wasn't always a nice guy. When he was younger, he did some stupid things..and one night, he got into a knife fight and was stabbed...in the heart.

Somehow he lived to tell the tale, but doctors warned him that his heart was weakened and it was all but guaranteed he would eventually suffer a fatal heart attack.

Eventually. Not tomorrow or in a year or even ten years. Just eventually.

Most people would have crumbled with that news. Many would have went seeking situations to put an end to not knowing when they were going to die.

Not Tray. He didn't have time to worry about such mortal things as dying. He had a life to lead, and he was going to live it, enjoy it, relish it.

Which he did, until February 13,1999. Driving home from a night out with friends, he suffered that fatal heart episode (couldn't call it an attack...his heart actually exploded..sorry for the graphic description, but that's what happened) and slammed into the middle partition of the west side of the Wheeling Tunnels.

The car was totalled and so was he.

I do glean some comfort in knowing that he passed quickly and most likely was gone before his car crashed. But I can't help but think of one of the last conversations I had with him. He had called to talk to Lou, but he was busy so Tray and I were chatting. He said something about going out that night..

"Ya know, the weather is supposed to get pretty bad tonight. Sure you wanna go out and get caught in that mess?" I said.

"Eh, no big deal. I was a truck driver, remember? If I can cross the Rockys in a snow storm, surely I can drive six blocks to a bar to partake of some refreshment of the alchoholic variety."

"Uh huh...it's not the trip over that worries me. It's your trip home after "partaking" all night."

"I'll be fine darlin'. But, ya know what I alway say, if ya gotta go, go out with a bang!"

Didn't realize how true those words would eventually ring.

Rest in peace Tray. We still think of you daily and miss you always.




- posted by Kim @ 2:19 PM

 
I did something today that I should have done a LONG time ago...
I printed out my book.

All 210 pages.

Wow.

There is something about seeing that many pages piled on top of each other...especially when you know the words on the paper came from you.

I wrote 210 pages worth of words. Those words strung themselves together and flowed from my head through my fingers and onto the page.

Wow.

If you are stuck and not sure you want to write anything other than a oneway ticket to Katmandu, print out the story. I bet it will change your persepctive. I know it changed mine.

Wow.
- posted by Kim @ 3:36 PM

 
So, I''ve been messing around with my digital camera, and what
is the first picture I see fit to post to my blog?



This is Ketulah, the sweet but oftentimes problematic psycho hound I am always referring to. Figured since I talk about her so much, y'all might as well know what she looks like.

I was going to post a picture of Taylor, but her attorney hasn't approved the photo release contract yet.

I'm joking. Sorta.

And I, of course, don't show up on film. :-)

PS...No, Tulah isn't normally teathered inside the house...but we were still setting up/moving around furniture and equipment, and those of you in the know realize that she is BEYOND hyper! LOL So we teathered her til we were finished..then let her roam free as she always does.

Not even two minutes after we freed her...she chewed through a box and almost choked to death on some stryofoam.

*sigh*




- posted by Kim @ 9:34 AM

 
How on God's green Earth...
Did I end up with a sk8tr gurl for a daughter?

That's "a girl who skateboards" for you non-board jargon speakers.

Taylor has been bugging me for a skateboard for weeks. I didn't want to get her one, because honestly, I think she has enough in the "mode of transprotation" department. Two pairs of roller blades, a 21-speed bike, a scooter, and more pairs of Nike's, Chuck Taylor's, Reeboks, and Skechers than any one kid needs.

Yeah, she's spoiled, I know. But I had help. Lots of it.

Anyway.

She's been bugging me for a skateboard. When I got my tax refund, she made me a proposition: if I got her a skateboard, then she would drop her request for an XBox. Well, til her birthday in May anyway.

Let's see..$300 in a game console and games, or $100 for the skateboard...hum...

No brainer. Today we got the skateboard. This weekend we get the shoes. $80 shoes. Skateboarding shoes..er..sk8tr shooze.

I'm not buying...her dad is. Go figure.

Anyway, she spent from the moment my money went into the cash register til just before dark with her friends, doing tricks, riding up and down the hill, and yelling things like "Buckaroo Bonzai", "Owwwwllll Ooooooo!", and the one that bugged me most, "you're gonna crack your melon stuntin' like that!"

I just paid $100 bucks so my sweet pre-teen daughter can talk like Pauly Shore.

Great.


- posted by Kim @ 10:58 PM

 
I'm Back (for REAL this time)!
Seriously. You will be hearing a whole lot more out of me from now on. All computer issues have been resolved (more about that in a minute), my work schedule has lessened (more about that too), and I am feeling much better...the caffeine break did me a world of good. I am now back to drinking coffee (YAY!!), just not nearly as much as I had been. Anyway, I'm back (and awake!) so now I can blog more frequently.

What have I been up to you ask? Well, let's start with the computer issues. A few months back, I posted about Desdemona being on her death bed. Well, she finally gave up the ghost and passed on to the computer Promised Land. Fortunately, she did so slowly and I was able to salvage most of my stuff.

Today I got the new computer. Dulcinea is SWEET! She's gray and black, sleek and fast. I'm getting a big 'ol kick out of using this system. For the record, I "upgraded" from a Pentium 166 with 64mb RAM to a Pentium 4, 2.8ghz processor and 512mb RAM. I'm in heaven. LOL

But wait! That's not all I got! I also bought a 4-in-1 printer/scanner/fax/copier, a flat panel monitor and a digital camera. Can we say TAX REFUND? LOL

So, now I have all new office equipment. Lou also informed that he is going to resurrect Desdemona, pop in a new processor, some more RAM and a new video card and give her to Taylor.

So, not ONLY do I get a new computer, I won't have to share it! Yay me!

Other than computer shopping, puchasing, setting up and rearranging I haven't been up to much else. Well, I'm still working the day job...sort of. (Ever noticed that there is never a cut-and-dry answer for me..always a "maybe" or "sorta" attached? Bugs you? Yeah, bugs me too. LOL) This week I have worked 2 -- count 'em -- 2 hours. They sent me home early yesterday, and told me not to bother coming in at all today. *sigh* I won't go into it again, but I think I got my new equipment just in the nick of time, cuz I think I'm going to need it -- for real.

Okay, well that's it for now. I'll check in later -- this time of year always puts me in a wondering/thoughful/philosophical mood. More about why later.

Maybe...

Sorry, couldn't resist!
- posted by Kim @ 12:19 AM