I think I know why I haven't been blogging much...
but I don't think you're going to like the answer. But this is my blog, and these are my feelings, and I am not about to start lying to all of you now. So, here goes.

I don't want to write. Anything. Period. Even as I sit here typing this entry, I am thinking "why are you bothering? There are a million other things you could be doing. It's not like people really care whether you post to this thing or not!"

No, I'm not pandering for attention or more comments. That's how I really feel. I don't want to read my own words, so I can't fathom that anyone else would want to read them either. I don't feel like a writer any more. I feel like a person who writes...and yes, there is a HUGE difference.

I'm tired of writing queries. I'm tired of writing to editors and agents asking them to "please read my book". I'm tired of tracking down interview subjects for topics I could care less about. I'm tired of waiting til July to get paid for an article that I submitted in January. I'm tired of clients stiffing me, winning bids then having the jobs fall through, and stupid people with stupid business ideas who get hundreds of thousands of dollars because I wrote their business plan.

I'm tired of people who have opportunities dropped at their feet, but won't cash in. I'm tired of reading articles and books written by people whom I could write rings around, but because they knew someone who knew someone, they are published and I am still struggling. I'm tired of having a publisher who, for whatever reason, has decided to let my book sit and do nothing with it. I'm tired of "industry insiders" deciding that Jane Doe on Main street doesn't want to read chick lit, she wants to read Historical Romance..so chick lit will no longer be published. I'm tired of the "writing for free" debate...I'm tired of having to watch out for all the swindlers who are clamoring to take a writer's hard earned money and fragile dreams and profit from them. I'm tired of commas, not ending sentences with a preposition, and trying not to "head hop". I'm tired of writing dialogue and describing what color my protagonist's blouse is. It's not pink, it's champagne. Her shoes aren't tan, they're sand or taupe!

UGH!

Writing is just a job to me now. And it is becoming a lousy job at that. I always said that as soon as it started to feel like work, then it might be time to walk away. I've been writing professionally for almost fifteen years now. Maybe it is time for me to pursue other areas. "What areas?" you ask? I don't know. Maybe I'll pursue my music more now. Maybe I'll focus on my loom jewelry. Or maybe I'll get a simple 9-5 job and live a normal life, with normal pay and normal hours. Normal sounds good right about now.

So, you see why I no longer feel the need to post in this blog. No, the irony that this is one of the longest posts I've written in ages is not lost on me.

I won't say this is farewell...but it is so long for now...





- posted by Kim @ 12:13 AM