Today....
I am feeling bittersweet.

Tomorrow is my 35th birthday. It's also Valentine's Day. We have some nice plans for tomorrow and I look forward to them.

I just need to get through today first.

Today is the fifth anniversary of my good friend and my husband's best friend's death. Tray was a computer nerd like Lou, only he had better interpersonal skills (ie..he could charm the pants off anyone..he talked me into marrying Lou! LOL), so he managed to take a computer repair business from his kitchen table..well..to his living room...but it was a flourishing business. I really thought he was going to go far...good business, nice girlfriend, he took care of his parents...he was just a really good guy.

But his past came back and killed him.

Tray wasn't always a nice guy. When he was younger, he did some stupid things..and one night, he got into a knife fight and was stabbed...in the heart.

Somehow he lived to tell the tale, but doctors warned him that his heart was weakened and it was all but guaranteed he would eventually suffer a fatal heart attack.

Eventually. Not tomorrow or in a year or even ten years. Just eventually.

Most people would have crumbled with that news. Many would have went seeking situations to put an end to not knowing when they were going to die.

Not Tray. He didn't have time to worry about such mortal things as dying. He had a life to lead, and he was going to live it, enjoy it, relish it.

Which he did, until February 13,1999. Driving home from a night out with friends, he suffered that fatal heart episode (couldn't call it an attack...his heart actually exploded..sorry for the graphic description, but that's what happened) and slammed into the middle partition of the west side of the Wheeling Tunnels.

The car was totalled and so was he.

I do glean some comfort in knowing that he passed quickly and most likely was gone before his car crashed. But I can't help but think of one of the last conversations I had with him. He had called to talk to Lou, but he was busy so Tray and I were chatting. He said something about going out that night..

"Ya know, the weather is supposed to get pretty bad tonight. Sure you wanna go out and get caught in that mess?" I said.

"Eh, no big deal. I was a truck driver, remember? If I can cross the Rockys in a snow storm, surely I can drive six blocks to a bar to partake of some refreshment of the alchoholic variety."

"Uh huh...it's not the trip over that worries me. It's your trip home after "partaking" all night."

"I'll be fine darlin'. But, ya know what I alway say, if ya gotta go, go out with a bang!"

Didn't realize how true those words would eventually ring.

Rest in peace Tray. We still think of you daily and miss you always.




- posted by Kim @ 2:19 PM