So...today was Taylor's
first day of school...and I got the homework.

She brought home no less than 3000 forms for me to fill out. Of course all of them had to be returned by tomorrow, or else the sun wouldn't rise and we would be thrown into an apocalyptic catastrophe.

Not wanting to be the cause of the end of the world, I begain filling out paperwork just after dinner.

Now before I share the questions (and my answers), allow me to defend myself. I have spent the last two days in training to learn a system that is the most convoluted procedure I have ever had the dubious pleasure to be a part of. In other words, my brain is fried, and I have little patience for nonsense.

Most of it was your run-of-the-mill "fill this out so you can tell us the same thing fifty times cuz we can't just access one sheet of paper" kinda stuff.

"Does your child have any allergies?" No--but I am allergic to filling out forms.

"Do you have any special concerns about your child?" Yes - I'm afaid that my daughter will incur a back injury from carrying all these forms back to school tomorrow...the ink adds weight, you know.

On and on with the same questions. Finally, over an HOUR later, I got to the last form. It was titled: "Introducing...Your Child". The description: We would like to know more about your child, through your eyes. The more we know as a team, the better we can tailor an educational and motivational program to fit his or her needs. Please complete the information below and have your child return this form to his or her Social Studies teacher, or if you prefer, mail it to the school.

You've GOT to be kidding me.

And yes, they actually put the instructions in BOLD. Just in case you were planning on making a paper airplane out of it, or had some great need to create an oragami pelican, you were warned. Thank heavens for that extra piece of info.

The first few questions were easy enough. Name, parent's name..address...blah blah blah...Then is gets weird.

List five words that best describe your child's character.
Oh good lord. I can't think of five words to describe MY character. So I gave the typical answers that a parent would be expected to give: "hard worker", "smart", "polite", "thoughtful" and "competitive". Not that they don't apply, mind you...but they are just so ordinary...and Taylor is NOT ordinary.

But wait...there's more!

What motivates your child? Uh..money...fear of my wrath...herself? I decided that the first and second answers, though true, might not cast either of us in the best light, so I went with the third. It's true too, by the way.

What upsets your child? Man's inhumanity to man! Geesh...isn't it obvious?

The next few questions were pretty basic, so I breezed through those. Then came the one that I *know* is going to cause problems:

Is there a regular routine for completing homework at home? Sure! She does it, and I don't yell at her.

By now, I was getting really tired of answering questions, so my answers were getting a bit..shall we say cheeky.

What academic subject is your child's best? Worst? Gee! I'm glad they threw "academic" in there...otherwise I would have had to choose Lunch as her best and anything class-related as worst. they musta seen me coming! (Math and Social Studies, respectively were my actual answers).

There were three more questions that didn't apply to us, so thankfully I skipped them. Finally, I reached the last question: "Other comments or concerns?"

Yeah, this questionnaire was stupid. Wanna get to know my kid? Talk to her. Ask her questions...buy her lunch..anything...just don't expect me to do your job for you. She's with you for 7 hours a day...you see her more than I do! Geesh...and I just spent the last week supporting and defending the public school system!

No, I didn't say that...exactly. I told them that Taylor was a unique child that does not respond to nagging. You only have to tell her to do something once -- she may take longer than you want, but she does get it done, and almost always above and beyond any expectations.

Either her teachers are going to think Taylor is a gifted child in need of specialized instruction (she does have a 3.85 GPA), or they are going to assume that her mother is a class A smart-ass. Oh well, both are applicable.


- posted by Kim @ 10:21 PM